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Luckily for Snow White, she was hiding behind the door when all these happened.

She ran to the well, and started to sing about how some day her prince will come.

Walking idly, she arrived at this little hut. Being the rude and ill-mannered princess she is, she walked into the hut without knocking, and saw 7 little dwarves watching soccer in underwear. One of them was reading a porn magazine.

You think Liang Po Po is the ugliest thing since evolution, but you have no idea. A dwarf in underwear is infinitely worse. Snow White screamed in horror.

But too bad for Snow White. A scream is the last thing she should have done, because it immediately idenifies her as a lady and what would seven ugly men living alone want?

A maid of course.

The dwarves shoved Snow White into the room, and started to get her to clean up the house, while they continued drinking ale while watching soccer.

With this, Snow White lived for a few months. She particularly hated Sneezy the dwarf coz he always throws his used tissues around. Snow White was held prisoner because she was too dumb to unlock the door.

In case you are wondering why the dwarves are not sexually interested in Snow White, it is because Snow White is too big for them. In physical size.

So anyway, one day the dwarf called Grumpy decided to let Snow White have an apple and take a rest, coz Snow White cleaned his room particularly well that day. What he doesn't know is that Snow White hates him and have put chilli powder into his underwear, but I guess what he doesn't know wouldn't hurt him.

Snow White took a bite and decided to act like she died. She somehow had this feeling that this would get her out of the house. She also read in several story books that a kiss from a prince will revive the dead, and it seems that princes only like to kiss dead girls? So she will pretend to be dead and come to life when a prince kisses her! She tried not to think how disgusting it is if it were the dwarves to kissed her instead.

And what if it was Lee Kwan Yew who kissed her? Oh no! But she will have to take chances.

The dwarves found Snow White dead and shoved her into the forest to rot, and got on with their lives.

Snow White laid on the ground, sobbing in her heart, as the forest is a dreadful place and she feels really sorry for herself that she has to live her life this way. Where should she go? She can't even go home, her mum will (literally) kill her! And she didn't dare open her eyes, she was scared the dwarves would still be there; scared of what she will see...

Suddenly, she heard steps of a horse and a man... Not light steps like those of the dwarves... Steps of a real man... And the air was filled with the sensual smell of Davidoff purfume... Ah... What arousal...

Snow White knew there was hope. It must be her Prince!! She prayed and prayed that her cleavage can be seen... and that her hair covered that stupid pimple she just got.

The Prince bent down, and gave Snow White a deep, tongue wrestling, lip-locking kiss, which took away Snow White's breath and melted her heart. She could feel his sharp nose and chiselled face against hers, and his luscious lips; they are oh, so soft....

Snow White fluttered her long dark eyelashes open, to see a hunky, dark-haired man with dark brown curls looking at her lovingly...

"Oh, you must be my prince!", Snow White exclaimed.

"Yes.... You are beautiful, my Princess...."

"Are u gonna marry me?"

"Yes, my dear..."

"Do you gamble, drink excessively, and watch soccer all the time?"

"No, no, and no..."

"Will you promise to only love me and never have sex with other women, men, or animals?"

"Children?"

"Children as well. And dead people."

"Oh, alright. I suppose you are pretty enough for me to promise that."

"Are you rich?"

"Yes. I am a millionaire."

"Do you have a eight inch number and can last more than 15 minutes?"

"Its 9 and a half to be exact. And I can last for 2 hours."

"Oh my God you are perfect!"

"And I love you, my princess... There... You must be tired.. Let me ride you on horseback to my castle..."

"Yes, yes my Prince..."

With that, Snow White travelled for 3 days on the Prince's horse.

She arrived at a construction site.

"Oh, the castle is still building?", she queried.

"Uhmmmm...", the Prince mumbled.

"Actually I've got something to tell you. My name is Joe Millionaire."



Snow White vomitted blood and died on the spot, this time for real.