IRC-Galleria

"A ghost in my vains"

She always follows my tracks
She`s both the beaty and the beast
I see her light as she flows over me
Then she leavs me without trace
Shes both the filth and the grace
I crawl on my knees in pain to one more time feal her embrace

She, took my soul
She, made me love her
Everything she says is a lie
but without her i just want to die

Like the sun she makes me smile
Like a course she made me stay
She makes me both laugh and cry
Her abscence made me fall down n pray
In bloodred coulours I`ll fade away

She, digged a grave for me
She. told truths covered with lies
This morning I wrote goobye on the wall
She only came to make me fall

Pain

I feel this pressure inside me and its pulling me towards into the black.
This craving for somekind of an escape from this world is pumping in my vains.
I fall down on my knees I scream in agony, but no one hears,God?....are you there?
Im crawling in the shadows now, I dont even know if somebody can help me, so I stay hiding.
My past is coming to get me, I can feel it breething on my neck. What the fuck can I do?
All this shame, guilt and all my mistakes are laughing right infront of my face, asking me to give up.
Theres a saying what is dead should stay dead, so why the fuck did wake up from my overdose?
It feels like im here now only so I can feel the pain that i caused others with my actions. I guess thats pretty phere, considering Im just a little mistake to this world, a fuck up. If this is all that it is, why cant I just lay down and never wake up again. But I think thats just to much to ask for a person like me. These forces without names keeping me here for a reason beyond my understanding. I guess I could try to take my life but im to scared to do even that. If im afraid to live and I have no reason to carry on, how can I then be afraid to die? So please give me currage to atleast make my mind, so I can rest in peace or whatever the outcome. It feels that I just dont give a fuck anymore. But thats pretty obvious if you have red the past lines I`ve written.Dont get this wrong who ever you are reading this. I dont feel sorry fore my self, Im not in self petty. I simply just cant understand why Im here, and I`ve been trying real hard to get it for many years. Now I just dont have the strength to carry on fighting and seeking after answers that I dont even now if Im going to get answers to. I admit that Im a looser and a coward to. But Im just really really scared and tired and want to close my eyes and let my soul go. But I`ll pray one more time, Dear God father of light why wont you take me home?, why cant you turn all this around and give me answers?, please God let me see the things that I`m now blinded from, give me the keyes to survival in this world, a glimse of light for a one more fight, if not for me so for my loved ones that may need me. Otherwise take me home, You are the judge, give me the wordict, so this suffering could end. Amen..

Im not sure if Im gonna take this ride and loose my pride
All I gane is a place to hide
It feels like crystals in my soul,altough im circulating in a bowl
An hour or two of the love that I know, flows in my vains
For a moment i dont care if it rains
I chase the dream from day to day, round n round
You know I cant stay
So slowly and gentle she whispers, make a choice or fade away

Miksi? se on kysymys joka vie meidän keskittymisen olennaiseen, eli rakkauteen. Miksi olen? miksi tämä tapahtuu?MIKÄ ON ELÄMÄN TARKOITUS?. Hyviä kysymyksiä varmaan, mutta mitä oikeastaan hyötyisit jos saisit vastaukset kaikkiin kysymyksiin, joka sinäänsä on mahdotonta koska yksi vastaus on taas uusi kysmys. Ihminen ajattelee aina ennen kuin hän toimii joka sinäänsä kuulostaa järkevältä, mutta onko se!?. Mihin toiminta ilman ajatusta johtaisi, eli toiminta suoraan tunteesta. Uskon että se tunne joka tulee ensimmäisenä tulee suoraan sielusta tai sydämmestä, miten sen nyt haluaa ajatella. Jos ajattelee liikaa se johtaa että toimimme pelosta joka on rakkauden vastakohta. On olemassa kaksi perus tunnetta RAKKAUS JA PELKO, kaikki muut tunteet ovat sekundaarisa. Kuten Viha,syyllisiyys,himo,tahto,ahdistus,ilo. Miksi valita jotain mikä tulee pelon tunteesta?kun kysyt miksi?, olet jo häämentynyt joka tulee myös pelon tunteesta ettet ehkä saa vastausta. Mutta jos teet asioita ilman että kysenalaistat kaiken huomaat että sinulla on jo kaikki vastaukset mitä tarvitset. Kun ymmärrät että olet syntynyt täydellisestä rakkaudesta sinun ei tarvitse kysenalaistaa enään mitään, koska ymmärrät että vastaus kaikkeen on rakkaus. Tällä rakkaudella on monta nimeä, yleisin on varmaan Jumala. Ikävä kyllä sekin on monelle ihmiselle jossain kaukana, joku mihin et voi saada yhteyttä tai jotain mitä et voi ymmärtää. Taas pelon sekundaariset tunteet ottavat otteen. Ymmärrä että sinä olet rakkaus ja rakkaus olet sinä. Jumala on sinussa ja sinä Jumalassa.

Now im standing here, feeling the night calling me
Im walking these empty streets, thinking where i belong
I feel this endless fear and i cant get it away
What can I do so i fall down on my knees and pray
I hear an angels whisper, Your not alone,your not alone
all my life ive been searching for answers
questions without meaning, only pain have I gained
Ive been crawling in black holes and endless pits
Only found more darkness and deamons within
Evrery day i see people withour faces passing me by
If only they would understand
We walk around in circles with our blind eyes
Not knowing anything
Where should we go
and then i hear a whisper once more
You have to let go
I see a light in the end of the tunnel
I try to reach it but i cant
This lady in black says its no use
maybe shes right
I reach out one more time
The light blinds me and givs me wings to fly
Standing on a mountain top eith the angel beside
looking at the world in its misery
But then she whispers again..your not

As the angels start to blow their horns I run and try to hide in the shadows,
im thinking what have i done and whats to come
Thunder like sounds from the sky as it slowly opens infront of my eyes
People walking around in shadow like shapes without hope,
little do they know
I say my prays and hope for salvation
Please father forgive me,fore al those thos sins ive done
I see an army of angels storm the gates of hell
im blinded by the fire,the dragon of shadows screams in pain as it tryes to escape
The earth shakes beneath me as the deamons in my head try to turn me
I scream in agony i wont be yours
The sky turns red of blood, please let it rain on me
now i know i cant hide this is the moment
I`ll stand up and confess to the Glory
The shadows wont take me,the shadows wont take me
I want to save the wicked souless but their already gone
This is my vision
This is my vision
This is the end and beginnig, alpha and omega
The jugdment has come,So say your prays

Joo sitten sitä ollan 25.....tuntuu kyllä siltä ettei oma kehitys ois kauheesti edenny enään 20 iän jälkeen. Tuntuu kyllä hiukan haikeelta ku mutsi soitti äken ja sanos että se unohti onnitella vaikka asun tällä hetkellä tilapäisesti saman katon alla( huvittavaa ja samalla niiiin säälittävää). Nojoo toivottavasti näistä synttäreistä tulee hyvät, tuntuu vieläkin et oisin joku 12 ja venailisin niin vitusti jotai synttärikemuja mihin kaikki mun kaverit tulee.....ja saan niin helvetisti lahjoja. Eikai se nin erikoista ole että täyttää vuosia.