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sanoisin sen.

nyt ei enaa ymmarrys riita. mun niska on niin jumissa etta ihan itkettaa! ei tuu tasta hommasta nyt kylla mitaan! koko paivan oon vaan pysyny hotellihuoneessa, kattonu leffoja ja nukkunu. en oo ees syony mitaan! ja kello on puol kaheksan illalla. nyt ei oo kylla suomineito ihan kunnossa. perskele. :<

ja kun ei pelkka niskakipu riita niin on sitten selkakin kipeena. ja taalla ei osaa kukaan hieroa, ja huomenna voi olla tosi rattoisa paluumatka kotiin. kuolen autoon. mita ma oon tehny et oon nain jumissa? paleleekin kaiken lisaks. oonko ma tulossa kipeeks? yhyy. haluisin huomen illalla lahtee caroline spencen keikalle stewartin kans, mut en ma mihinkaan paase jos taa mun niska ei ala asettumaan normaaliks. :< nyyh. mut jos ketaan lohduttaa niin meen sit reilun kuukauden paaste VAN HALENin keikalle. lol. yks hyva asia. en jaksa hymyilla.

meen takas huoneeseen kattoon jotain leffaa... ja odotan et muut tulee illalliselta.

mortsii!

its true.

PARAS IKINA!!!!!!!!<3

i remember everything, even though i was "little bit" drunk. lol.i mean i was sooooooo fucking drunk! yea, i know, nobody believe me, but its true. tequila was awesome! lol. and i met 2 nice guys, will and zack (i think so?). they were soooo nice. nothing happened between us, just dancing. hannah kissed both of them. little biaaatch. but i dont care, i had more fun than her. lol. her 'rents saw her sooooo drunk and she had to go back to our room. she throw up. lol. but me too, but i was in ladies room. lol. vomit was everywhere in room; bed, floor, dress, drapes, bathroom, tub. omg, everywhere! tequila was too much for her. and rum and champagne. lol.
and one thing was so weird, hannah's mom wanted smoke MY cigs. lol. i was like, wow u r drunk. and she was. im not even kidding.

there happened sooooo much more, but im not telling it to u! lol.

haha, now we waiting that housekeeper clean our room. lol. its awful! im not kidding. u would die. lol.

but anyway, happy new year for everyone! better than last one! ;]

and one scary thing... i've seen soooooo scary dream like since friday. every single night! i dont wanna sleep never any more! :<

But yea, im the happiest person ever. i dont know why, but i am. lol

C ya!

aina voi toivoa etta tuleva vuosi olisi parempi kuin edellinen,
toivottelen siis parempaa vuotta 2008! :)

tahtoisin vain nukahtaa.

liikaa ajateltavaa, en voi silmia ummistaa.

kauhukuvia, painajaisia, toiveunia.

ihan mita vain, kunhan vain voisin nukahtaa.

onko se liikaa?

Ja arvatkaa oonko ees menos kattoon sita! lol, no en tietenkaan. Liput saan joskus ens viikolla.

onks joku kade?:D

kun luulee paasseensa yli asiasta, se tuleekin ihan sattumalta eteen. taas kavi nain.

mietin mita mulla olisi, jos olisin valinnut toisin. olisinko onnellisempi? missa olisin? kenen kanssa? kuinka kauan? vanhat asiat jaksaa vaivata mielta, luulin tosiaan paasseeni yli kaikesta, mutta miksi sitten ajattelen? miksi vain jossittelen? olisinko voinut tehda asiat toisin? miksen tehnyt? miksi halusin kokeilla rajojani? miksi etsin jotain muuta vaikka olin onnellinen? vai olinko? luulin olleeni. ja tiedan etta oli. etsin parempaa, vaikka kaikki oli juuri niin parasta kuin vain voi olla. se oli sita nuoruuden holmoilyja. mutta jos vain voisin... muuttaa jotain. tekisin sen. jos voisin saada sut takasin edes ystavana. ja monet muutkin. kummaa kuinka ika tuo viisautta. vaikken tunne etta olisin oppinut jotain. jotkut asiat haluaisin elaa uudestaan ja tehda totaalisesti toisin. se helpottaisi kaikkien elamaa. luulen niin.

miksi mietin tallaisia? antaisin vain asioiden olla. en vain pysty. haluaisin huutaa. kukaan ei kuitenkaan kuulisi sita. ahdistaa. haluan kadota pois tasta maailmasta. mutta niin ne viisaammat sanoo etta elamassa taytyy tehda virheita etta oppii. mutta kuinka suuria virheita etta tietaa oppineensa jotain? kuinka paljon pitaa tehda virheita etta oppii jotain? tuntuu kuin olisin valinnut vain virheita. ehka vahiten virheelt tuntuu tama ameriikka. ainoa hyva asia tassa vaiheessa. mutta kun katson asioita pintaa syvemmalle, loydan taas virheita. miksi tavoittelen taydellisyytta?

kuka saisi minut lopettamaan ajattelun? tai mika saisi lopettamaan ajattelun? ehka tiedan vastuksen. se vain on yksi suurimmista mahdottomuuksista.

life is a highway that u travel on. one day here and next day gone.

olisiko se vastaus kysymyksiini?

i would do it right now. i cant do anything, just hope. hope that everything is okay. but if not... i would kill myself. why i didnt think anything? why i just did it? if somebody could tell me, it would be nice. but nobody can.

im confuse. somebody. help me. somebody, listen to me. i shout that somebody could hear me. but im alone, nobody hear me, nobody notice me. this was my choice, and now i serve this all fucking stuff.

if i could hate somebody, i would do that. but i dont hate anybody, even though i should. but i cant.

im the biggest loser ever.

yea, thank guys n Stewart.<3 Best friday ever.. im not kidding. It was too sad that i had run home, but it doesnt matter. It was fun anyway. More fun woud have if somebody would run with me. lol. u stupid litte boy stayed in car cause there was raining. u r not sugar. or maybe u r for me. ;)
when we'll see next time? Tell me. Or maybe i should ask for Magic 8ball, wat u think?

n now im coughing all the time. too much sport for one night. lol. or maybe its not only from sport. maybe something else. like cig. lol. i'll stop it. nex year maybe. lol.

i smell like... weird stuff. n that is SOOOOOO weird. thanks Eric. Wat the hell u did that i smell soooo bad?! lol.

i wanna icecream... maybe i should go kitchen and look at. i think there is little bit for me. ahhh. icecream. lol.

now im listening bad touch by bloodhound gang. lol. it makes me laugh. it tell just like tonite. haha. discovery channel. thats right! tomorrow i should ask something for Stewart. lol. i know wat they did w/ jon. or im pretty sure. lol. nice club house. i'll love this place. lol.

i wanna one cig. lol. somebody would kill me. lol. i feel that im sick... shit. but im not. fucking stupid cough. i need water. and somebody. lol. what i should do 2morrow? somebody could tell me. i dont wanna stay home like all day. maybe im goin lunch to fridays... n then i could see my lil friend. lol.

but i had soooooo much fun. n i konw that friends had too. ;]

c ya!