"...like last week some lady asked what was in a granola bar. like i don't know. but of course i didn't say that. instead i told her the only thing i could think of. granola.... and... a bar."
"this fish has killed four fishes with his smell, that's how bad his stench is. for some reason it won't die. my dad insists flushing him down the toilet, but i figure it's kinda cruel. i was thinking a pot of boiling water."