IRC-Galleria

-Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
-It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?"
-I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

-Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
-Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
-Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
-If you can't fix it with duck tape you have'nt used enough.
-Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
-Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

-Everyone keeps telling me the right girl will come around, but I think mine got hit by a bus.
-I told my dad I stopped raising hell and he called me a quitter!
-I was playing poker the other night with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people dead
-"Are we insane yet?" "Are we insane yet?" How many times do I have to tell you YES!
-People think I'm crazy, but actually I'm just bored.

-Never long for anyone from the past. There is a reason why they never made it to your future.
-We'll do what we gotta do, see what we gotta see, and if in the end we end up together, then we'll know it was meant to be.
-I want to be with you tonight, tomorrow, and today it can't happen now but it will someday.
-The few hours I spent with you are worth the thousand hours I spend without you
-Sometimes, no matter how much faith we have, we lose people. But you never forget them. And sometimes, it's those memories that give us the strength to go on.
-Love is not who you can see yourself with. It is who you can't see yourself without.
-I believe that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

-Once you have loved someone, you'd do anything in the world for them... except love them again.
-I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
-It does not matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you do not do it in the street and frighten the horses
-There are three kinds of men who do not understand women: Young, old, and middle-aged.
-My heart's in the right place. I know, 'cuz I hid it there
-I see your face when I'm dreaming... That's why I always wake up skreaming...
-Sex without love is an empty experience,but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
-The bravest thing that men do is love women.
-To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
-Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman.
-Women are like ovens: it takes time for them to get warmed up.
Men, on the other hand, are like microwaves: you push one button,
and they're ready to go!

-Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
-There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
-Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
-Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
-The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

Miksi naiset hierovat silmiään aamulla herättyään?
- Koska heillä ei ole munia, joita rapsuttaa.

- Isä, minkä takia sinä menit naimisiin äidin kanssa?
- Katso nyt, isä kääntyi vaimoonsa päin, Edes lapset eivät voi käsittää sitä!

Poika tuli itkien kotiin ja sanoi:
- Äiti, isi tappoi meidän kissan!
- Tiesithän että se oli pakko tehdä, koska kissa ei olisi enää parantunut
ja oli vanhakin.
- Kyllä, mutta se lupasi ensin, että minä saan tehdä sen!

Nainen huusi kadulla tapaamalleen poliisille:
-Ottakaa tuo mies kiinni! Hän ehdotteli minulle siveettömiä!
-Rauhallisesti, rouva, kyllä vielä voi löytyä toinenkin ehdottelija.

Äidinkielenopettaja tarkasti ainekirjoituksia. Aiheena oli ollut: Urheilukilpailut
Eräs ainekirjoitus kokonaisuudessaan:
- Peruutettu rajuilman vuoksi.

- Estin eilen yhden nuoren naisen joutumasta ahdistelun uhriksi.
- Mitäpä sinä oikein teit?
- Hillitsin itseni.

- Oletko kuullut, että New Yorkissa on yli 30 miljoonaa rottaa?
- Sellaisia amerikkalaiset ovat, sen sijaan, että ottaisivat ne
hengiltä, he laskevat ne.

-Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures.
-It is only too true that a lot of artists are mentally ill- it's a life which, to put it mildly, makes one an outsider. I'm all right when I completely immerse myself in work, but I'll always remain half crazy.

-Stupidity is evil waiting to happen.
-May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.
-How much of human life is lost in waiting.
-Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
-Never tell a young person that anything cannot be done. Faith may have been waiting centuries for someone ignorant enough of the impossible to do that very thing.
-Everything you want is out there waiting for you to ask. Everything you want also wants you. But you have to take action to get it.
-Too many people go through life waiting for things to happen instead of making them happen!
-Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

Ritari ja hänen joukkonsa palasivat linnaan pitkän ja raskaan
taistelupäivän päätteeksi.
– Miten pärjäsimme, kysyi kuningas?
– Teidän ylhäisyytenne, olemme ryöstäneet, polttaneet ja hävittäneet
puolestanne koko päivän läntisten vihollistenne kaupunkeja, ritari vastasi.
– Mitä ihmettä? kuningas huudahti. – Eihän minulle ole vihollisia lännessä!
– Aijaa... vastasi ritari. – No nyt on.

Kaverukset istuivat drinkeillä töiden jälkeen.
– Pidän uudesta puvustasi, tokaisi toinen.
– Kiitos, vastasi toinen. – Sain sen yllätyslahjaksi vaimoltani.
Tulin eilisiltana kotiin aikaisin. ja löysin sen tuolin selkämykseltä
makuuhuoneesta.

Lama-aikana kauppa houkutteli asiakkaita erikoistarjouksillaan.
- Miten voitte myydä lihaa näin halvalla? asiakas ihmetteli.
- Olemme leikanneet henkilökuntaa, kauppias vastasi.

– Tiedätkö, mihin papukaijamme on hävinnyt? nainen kysyi mieheltään.
– Luulen tietäväni, koska ihmettelin miksi kissa puhuu, mies vastasi.