IRC-Galleria

Ajatelin näin presidentin vaihdon kunniaksi vielä viimeisen kerran pitää hauskaa Bushin suvun kustanuksella... Joten tässä on muutama parhaimpia vitsejä englaniksi.

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A.I.

A lady bought a new Lexus. Cost a bundle. Two days later, she brought it back, complaining that the radio was not working.
"Madam," said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you will hear exactly that!"

She drove out, somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked at the radio and said, "Nelson."

The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?"

She was astounded. If she wanted Beethoven, that's what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.

She was stopped at a traffic light enjoying "On The Road Again" when the light turned green and she pulled out. Suddenly an enormous sports utility vehicle coming from the street she was crossing sped toward her, obviously not paying attention to the light. She swerved and narrowly missed a collision.

"Idiot!" she yelled and, from the radio, "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States."

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George W. Bush Meets Moses

George W. Bush was walking through an airport last week, when he saw an old man with white hair, a long white beard, wearing a long white robe and holding a staff. He walked up to the man, who was staring at the ceiling, and asked, "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?"
The man stood perfectly still and continued to stare at the ceiling, saying nothing.

Again, George W. asked, a little louder this time, "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?"

Again, the old man stared at the ceiling motionless without saying a word.

George W. tried a third time, louder yet, "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?"

Again, no movement or words from the old man. He continued to stare at the ceiling.

One of George W.'s aides asked him if there was a problem, and George W. said, "Either this man is deaf or extremely rude. I have asked him three times if he was Moses, and he has not answered me yet."

To which the man, still staring at the ceiling finally replied to the aide, "I can hear him and yes, I am Moses, but the last time I spoke to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering in the wilderness."

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Ghosts in the White House

One night, George W. Bush is awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. Bush asks, "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises.

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moves through the dark bedroom. "Tom," W asks, "what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"

"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," Jefferson advises.

Bush isn't sleeping well the next night, and sees another figure moving in the shadows. It's Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Bush asks.

Abe answers, "Go see a play."

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Einstein, Picasso and Bush at the Pearly Gates

Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"

Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really are Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"

The next to arrive is Pablo Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.

Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"

Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."

Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.

Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"

George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"

Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."

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Democrat and Proud of It

A first grade teacher in the Midwest is explaining to her class that she is a Republican and how nice it is that a new Republican president has taken office. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Republicans and support George Bush. Everyone in class raises their hands except one little girl.
"Mary," says the teacher with surprise, "why didn't you raise your hand?"

"Because I'm not a Republican," says Mary.

"Well, what are you then?" asks the teacher.

"I'm a Democrat and proud of it," replies the little girl.

The teacher cannot believe her ears. "My goodness, Mary, why are you a Democrat?" she asks.

"Well, my momma and papa are Democrats, so I'm a Democrat, too."

"Well," says the teacher in an annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a Democrat. You don't always have to be like your parents. What if your momma was a criminal and your papa was a criminal, too, what would you be then?"

Mary smiled, "Then we'd be Republicans."