IRC-Galleria

I don´t know why I´m dissociating so much again,
but being with my lover makes it bearable.

usually if I had been conscious for a while and started dissociating again I´d wanted to rip my head off and knit a noose from toilet paper or something.
but with him it only makes it slightly less unbearable.
I can manage, even if I don´t feel real..
even if he doesn´t feel real.

no one around me seems like a real person.
often times I feel like I´m just a badly coded NPC from a shitty, underbudget made game and it´s story is horribly depressing.
I bet I´d get bad reviews as a character.
maybe.

and the fact that even though I dissociate half the time,
and am unsure of intimacy,
he respects all of it.
he does more than the bare minimum and somehow that still amazes me.
it is
freeing.

it´s a kind of relief I didn´t think I´d experience.
someone respecting my pace and my boundaries and prioritizing me.
I feel really grateful for a thing everyone deserves.
love, respect and thoughtfulness.

I really love him.
even if half the time nothing feels real,

but being in his arms,

feels like a home I never knew.

and I´d like to be home all the time.