IRC-Galleria

so yeah i work the night shift now, which isnt so bad i must say, i get paid time and a half after 6:30 (which means instead of getting $16.30 an hour i get $24.45 and hour) so i make up my money that i miss from working long hours.
but that still not the point, they should not have changed my hours and fucked me around all because of that dope smoking freak!
i'm alot clamer now days at the momnet... i have the ability to fix myself after a while i guess, there are only a select few things that can really crush me down to nothing that take me months years to get over, but this was not one of them it was just a tempoary momnet of weakness, i'm better now. but now i work with all the 16 year olds... OMG... u guys thought we bitched and fight... they are insane!
jack and dianne.. the screaming the swearing.. the abuse... i could not get over it. and we all know i HAAATE my sister... their all best BEST firends with her... but they think nothing of stabbing her in the back and telling me everything about her...
i'm like... dam.. i'm glad my friends are not like this...r u???? HMMMMMM
nah of cause ur not.
dam i miss u guys...
dam i am NOT looking forwards to my phone bill D''''X<
please keep in touch, u guys r my little bit of sanity in this fucking fucked up place (:

i'm so upset.
i get bullied by the fuck face butcher at work all the time and now my boss has changed all my working times and i'm banned from this and that and now i cant go out at night because i have to work all night shifts instead of day... it utter pain. i cant stand it that i cant stand up formyself, every time i do i get punished more its not fair D''':
i broke down and started crying at work in the bathroom i cant take it any more i'm so stressed out
i miss mert so much it phisically hurts! i cant stand it i need mira back to make it all ok again D':
i'm so stressed about the visa and everything else.
i'm thinking of leaving my job the bullying is so bad he's so cruel and childish about everything and trys to make my life hell.
but where would i go, no one will hire some one for 3 months! and we're in a resesion every one is losing their jobs and no one has any money.. australia is like going into a depression.
i dont know what to do all i want to do is curl up in a ball and cry until its all over.
i feel sick i'm so upset.
i wanna come home...
but i cant..
i'm trapped

chill Taryn just breath.
so yeah. i have every thing ready to be sent to the embasy for my visa... all but one thing... the infomation from riitta. what is with finnish people and leaving everything to the last possible second to get it organised, i'm starting to panic.. just.. just a little.

things r ok here.
i went out last night, it was fun i dance alot and then dragged myself home and watched a movie that goes for 3 hours. AUSTRALIA, the movie... omg... i laughed so so sooo hard it was actually a great movie i thought it was really good, it inspired all sorts of emotions in me. i think people who are not from australia may have issues understanding some of the words used as they are VERY australian words so yeah.. hmmm... but i totally suggest people go and watch it :D
If u dont u will totally HAVE TO WATCH it when i come home, i will force u!

i have been told of this new way to help lose weight.. it doesnt make the fat just go poof and vanish, but it helps along with beng active.... Apple Viniger... one shot after fatty foods is said to help... and i tell u now... i have never... ever... tasted anyting that bad, ever!
in fact when ever i go to drink it... i have to work up the balls to do it so for about 5mins i'll just stare at it for a little while XD

the weather is starting to get cooler now, which is good, it means i can walk to work with out looking like i just stepped out of the shower when i get there... it was so hot, but it is getting darker quicker as well.

i have been so tired lately... no amount of sleep helps.. nothing i do. i'm just always so, so horribley tired and have no energy for anything, i dont know i stress too much i think, i'm in shambles worrying about this visa and money and every other little thing that blows up in my face.
i just kinda wish for a good apple cider and a sauna with my best mates. i think that will be a must when i come home for a long good sauna and alotta casual drinking.. like old time orgies with all my friends in oulu. yeah
and then.... HUGE PARTIES where every one is allowed to come and we wil just get wasted, dance, eat and sex and the best time ever.

i miss every one alot.. lifes not the same with out u guys by my side.
i wish i could call some of u... but the reality is... it costs me so much money... and now all my photos are gone and gahh.....
i wish i could see u all again, or at least know whats up.. i feel like i live under a rock now days


hmmmm...
fruchocs... timtams... need....

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
my computer crashed and then Shane took it upon him to REFORMAT it to fix it... so.... i have lost everything, every photo i took over the last 4 years... gone.. i have maybe a handful of old pics that were on a USB of mine left...
whats to say.. i'm alot annoyed... every picture...
my exchange... my travelling around europe... my second time in finland.... they are unreplaceable.. D''': i'm really upset about it
oh and i had another fight with that fuck face butcher... and now my stepsister is staying fucked up crap about me.. again
great.

guess what babes.
we have another ferret. she is younger then Coco and Milo, but looks like them in the same colours only darker i guess.
anyway.
this old couple just found her in their back yard, and told the local buter (not the one i work with) who told my aunt who told me.
so i went over and caught her and took her home and now she is running around the TV with Coc and Milo playing. there were a few fights between Milo and the new ferret, but they seem ok now, i guess it was just a "hey know ur place!" kind of thing
she's so cute.
if i keep her i will have to think of somehting to call her.. any idea?
if it helps... the other ferrets coco and milo their full names are Coco Channel and Venus De Milo which r both french and their nick names coco and milo r both chocolates here in australia.. what do u think?

OMg that rhys guy came back and would not leave me alone at the store i tried so mucht o make him leave but he would not!
and... i have pulled a muscel.... in my ASS! how i do not know, but it is fucking painful man XD i'm limping every where
i'm meant to go out to night i said i would i guess i should i dont really wanna, but meh.
and i have a party sunday... so meh
i'm so not in the party mood DX

OMG shut up your so annoying, thats what i think about every one right now!

i think i am doomed to have to do all the work for every one else for the rest of my life, is it too much to ask for people to look after them selves and maybe every now and then give me a hand instead of it always being the other way round?
Not only did i find my own job and make my way across the earth.. TWICE. i found a job for my friend and my brother, i feed every one, i'm organsing to go back to finland, i finished school with really high grades and i'm completely independant and spend more of my time helping others with their shitty issues then my own.
is it so mucht o ask for a little compssion or sympathy?
i mean really
"oh Taryn ur throwing ur life away. blah blah blah blah"
"u'll be ok your taryn you'll make it back"
"you wont last a whole year there before you come back, your so comming back"
"hahahaha really it happened twice wow, how ever did u manage to do that"
"your so ungreatful, u live in the best country in the world"
"ohhh taryn my world is falling apart poor me poor me, pity me, give me attention"
"you dont do enough, you dont give enough"

i swear to god if i hear anything like that one more time, i will kill them.
i'm sick and tired of having to put myself second to every one else, i'm only 19 turning 20. i shouldnt have to worry about that kind of crap, i should be partying, but no because i'm 2 busy being 50!

i would love to have one week... no.. one day where i am not a constant ball of nerves, stress and worry about everything where i can just sit back and enjoy something, LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!

but no, because now we have a resession and everything is going up in price... plane tickets included, food, LIVING! and now i'm short money every month just to help my family pays bills.
gahhh.. stress.
i really dont give a fuck any more. i dont care if any one even reads this, i just need to vent it all out because i cant do it here with any one cause they are all DICKS! and it always... ALWAYS turns into something about my inability to stop ruining others lives and my own, cause itsssss alllll myyyyy FAULT isnt it!
i feel like breaking things, and yelling at people, i am just itching at the thought of someone trying to fight with me because i would destroy them, mentally and even more phiscially. i havent gotten into a fist fight with some one since i was 17... and gah... god how i wish i could do it again some times!

my new fave singer with her song i like it loud! oh god i know exsactlly what she means in the song i like it loud man, u have one of those days every day.
http://www.officialcassiedavis.com/
i think i'm in love!

yah ok i 'went out' this last friday for Colleens 20th birthday... it kinda failed because i had woken up at 6am, worked for nine hours came home, helped her do her makeup, didnt have anything to eat and then went to this house party of her boyfriends and started drinking gin... there was like no one interesting there.... at best i would say they were annoying and psycho... Colleen's boyfriends mother... has the intelligance of a 8 year old. she asked me about the finnish language, saying taht it should be easy because all those 'european' languages r the same... when i tried to exsplain that finnish wasnt an anglo saxen language she looked at me like she was retarded. and when i tried to talk anything ... normal with any one they had no idea... they were all 17 year olds and 16 year olds, that doenst bother me, but they were acting like iddiots like OMG i'm drinking or OMG i'm smoking and im like.. OMG ur all fucked up.
and i was so tired... and hungry and now drunk that i got really nasty at colleens boyfriend.. apparently he was shit scared of me because he thought i might kill him. i was drunk, so i was angry and horny and even drunk i would touch anything that was in that house.. i laid on the couch for a second and fell asleep cause i was so fucking tired and bored and then i woke to hear them talking about me, saying that for a 20 year old i was really too serious and couldnt handle a drink like that could. come on, 9 hours of work and i had been up since 6 and gone to bed at like 3 in the morning... and i hadnt eaten and i was bored... of cause i was gonna doze off sooner or latter. and then colleen wouldnt LEAVE, and she was my ride home. it was like 6 in the morning and i was like fuck i wanna go home, and she would not leave because she was too busy fucking off with her man, we had been there since 7:30 the day before. so i walked home in the dark, it only took me an hour but i was as scared as all fuck because where we had been is known for rapes and bashings and stuff.. and there were LOTS of Black native Australians (aboriginals) and they were calling out at me and following me, i was like fuck fuck fuck shit fuck!
i came home and crashed. colllen was menat to come to my house latter and we were gonna have pizza and movies and chocolate and have a girls night but she was too tired and 'sore' to come so i made myself some pasta and just watched movies on the computer... ...
wow...
fun


also i have only just noticed how short a time i have to get money to get to finland and get my visa ready... like 4-5 months which is not that long, concidering last time i had 9 months to do it in.
i really need riitta to talk to me about this au pair thing because if that fails i have to run around liek a dick on speed trying to find another way to stay there D:

so like today at work.. about lunch time i'm sitting at the check out doing nothing. Mum comes up to me and shows me something and it feels like all my birthdays came at once.
A PACKAGE! FROM FINLAND!
i was so excited i nearly screamed in the store and was so.. so wanting to go to lunh but then i had to wait another 2 hours to get into it.
OMG THANK YOU!
for all the letters and everything!
it really made my day my heart was going boom boom boom all the time and i just SMILED all day.
THANK YOU:
MIRA
MINNA
TIIA
CAPI
you are so the best, be sure i will send things back to you babies!!!!
John makes a very convincing woman... and mira and tiia make hot men, i'd so bang mira if i knew there was no hotdog going on down there and tiia looked like .. ahhh... cream..
dont take this too literly people
Mert reminded me of this teenager i saw once. Colour blind and fashion retarded XP but still looked good in a weird twisted way.
OMG capi.. u were just the smex and u too Minna.
i will totally be sending a DVD back home for you all!
Me and my family watched it and they all reckon that u have really BIG accents... i didnt even notice.
also MINNA how in the world did u get some of those photos that was like a total blast from the past. Also tell Hannu thank you thank you about the book i will read it all so right now.. ohh.. i am so gonna start writting letters now.
this is the happyest i have been since coming back to Australia i asure u!


I LOVE YOU ALL SO FUCKING MUCH!!!!! SO MUCH IT HURTS BABY!