i want a change, a new direction, a new way. im so sick of this i cant take it anymore. i've tried to get beter, ive tried to change, but i always run out of energy half way why the fuck is that. i wana be beter. i wana feel like i'm alive, doin stuff. not just sittin around like a fuckin vegetable. not happy. i changed the diet it should it should cure me, will take time apparently. spent about 100e on medication. that should help too. i need to study. i wana do things that I have always wanted to do. im so lost bcoz ive never been able to be myself and do that stuff. and its been killin me for years. ive been waisting my life away for years. infront of this screen, under my blankets, wasted away. i wana do beter i wana live. be myself. maybe this fuckin fog would finaly clear out of my head and i could get a hold of my life. im sick of wasting everythin thats given to me. i dont need much, just to able to stand on my own 2 feet, look in the mirror and say 'u did good'. cant wait till this sickness is over. till i can breathe and live my life. im tryin so hard. but apparently it will take time.