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all the fuckin medicine, pourin out my eaaaaaaaaaaaars.

i want a change, a new direction, a new way. im so sick of this i cant take it anymore. i've tried to get beter, ive tried to change, but i always run out of energy half way why the fuck is that. i wana be beter. i wana feel like i'm alive, doin stuff. not just sittin around like a fuckin vegetable. not happy. i changed the diet it should it should cure me, will take time apparently. spent about 100e on medication. that should help too. i need to study. i wana do things that I have always wanted to do. im so lost bcoz ive never been able to be myself and do that stuff. and its been killin me for years. ive been waisting my life away for years. infront of this screen, under my blankets, wasted away. i wana do beter i wana live. be myself. maybe this fuckin fog would finaly clear out of my head and i could get a hold of my life. im sick of wasting everythin thats given to me. i dont need much, just to able to stand on my own 2 feet, look in the mirror and say 'u did good'. cant wait till this sickness is over. till i can breathe and live my life. im tryin so hard. but apparently it will take time.

ppl are fuckin sick in their heads.

so woke up this mornin went to take blood tests. maybe theyll find something out.

feelin beter today, maybe my remedy is helpin.


I WANA FEEL AND LIVE NOT JUST THIS FOOOG IN MY HEADD!!!

so fuckin great. got my bac in less than 20 days. and im so sick i cant keep myself up. i cant think clearly, i cant consentrate, i can only sleep and even that doesnt make me feel beter. im runnin out of option of wat to do. startin curin myself. hope it works. doctors dno wats wrong just send me to some bloodtests.

its seriously fuckin insane even durin writin this sentence ive forgoten five times wat i was writing bout, try fuckin studyin in that state of mind!

this morning gettin up i fainted FUCKIN GREAT.

im so tired i dont wana go anywhere or do anythin, thats not me. i miss me. this stupid sickness is just takin too much of myself.

i wanna be beter so i can live not just live in a zombiemode...

and depression so not me. thats the most annoyin part. but i guess its part of this...just gettin freakin frustrated!!!!

hei pitas men salil mut on taas laiskapaska ni ehka meen vaan corran kaa meille, ku corraki lahtee espanjaan vitun alicanteen huomen:(:( ja kaikki ny tietaa mita espanjas tapahtuu ku siel on putas kaikkial ja sit vaa vaha et ola puta ymsyms ni se on si siin:( no se lupas kayttaytyy...hope so...

eniweiz mailman(kaks vai yks aa??) paras ihminen soitti tanaa!!! lilly-pieni tarpo siel lumikinoksis ja juttelin mun kaa mailman menosta. vahan ma rakastan sita tyttoo!!!! koht oon siel suomes ja naan taas kaikki ihanat ihmiset!!ja lilly lupas jarjestaa mulle b-day party a la lilly:D

nonni ny pitas lahtee kotii ku oon vie koulus ja pitas siivot huonet ku kaikki tulee meille yoks mut seha ny tiietaa et mun huone ei siivomisel siistiks mee...

no joo:)

exams 2mora..tänään lukuvapaa...kaikki ihan paskat housuis lukemas. ite aattelin men syömää aamupalaa ku just heräsin ja sit kattoo vähä telkkaa...kyl sitä lukee ehtii...:D
mun lamppu poksahti yöl...scared the shit out of me
wehei<3

aika turhaa tää...mut kai nyt jotai piti keksii ku on tylsää...hihhulihei koht meen raksulle siivoo meijä viikonlopun sotkuja. ja täs välis voisin vaik stressata ens viikon exäämejä.....