Interviewer: Here we have My Chemical Romance. Everybody, can you just state your names and say what you play?
Gerard: Um, sure. IÂ’m Gerard. I sing.
Frank: IÂ’m Frank. I play guitar.
Matt: IÂ’m Matt. I play drums.
Mikey: IÂ’m Mikey. I play bass.
Interviewer: Now, how long have you guys been a band for?
Gerard: WeÂ’ve been a band forÂ….weÂ’ve been a band for two years, um, in January, so I guess itÂ’s a little over that now. So, wow, itÂ’s two and a half years, almost.
Interviewer: Um, you guys are signed to a bigger label?
Gerard: We signed to Reprise.
Frank: Yeah, Reprise.
Interviewer: I know you guys have been on tour for a really long time and you guys are going to be on tour for another really long on time. I donÂ’t know if you guys have any stories from tour, if you go to any strip clubs or anything while youÂ’re on the road?
Gerard: Yeah, thereÂ’s really not any stories as far as stuff like that because weÂ’re not a Motley Crue-ish type band like that.
Interviewer: Do you want to be like a Motely Crue type band? Are you heading in that direction?
Gerard: I think we want to play a lot of video games and collect a lot of toys.
Mikey: We wanna roll u Dungeon and Dragon characters.
Gerard: We really wanna play Dungeon and Dragons really bad, and we can’t get a group together. I mean, you’d think you’d have seven, eight–well, we have nine in the van now–guys, you can get a really good game going but not everybody is into Dungeon and Dragons.
Frank: LetÂ’s just get this straight, alright, first off, three members like Dungeon and Dragons.
Interviewer: Are you one of them?
Frank: I watched the cartoon when I was young and then thatÂ’s about it. No, I donÂ’t go on quests. ThatÂ’s more of a Gerard thing.
Gerard: I paint little Orcs. ThatÂ’s really weirdÂ…especially if youÂ’re a 27 year oldÂ…I have a hobbit sword.
Interviewer: Do you guys watch porn?
Gerard: I mean, like, Ray watches it, too.
Frank: Ray loves porn.
Gerard: We like porn. I mean, pornÂ’s cool.
Interviewer: What about you? YouÂ’re not off the hook, do you watch porn?
Frank: Uhh, yeah, of course–I mean–I don’t–who doesn’t like porn, though? I mean, you know?
Interviewer: Do you have a favorite porn star or anything?
Gerard: Uuuuummm, I know quite a few porn star names, um, I’m more of a fan of the Score magazine variety girls or maybe the more naturally endowed girl, like on the–
Interviewer: Oh, so would you like a website like Burning Angel where more of the girls are natural like real girls like you couldÂ’ve seen interviewing your band or a show or anything?
Gerard: Yeah, IÂ’m more into people that look real. The people I like, IÂ’ve even dated throughout my life, theyÂ’re real.
Interviewer: TheyÂ’re not blow-up dolls or anything?
Gerard: No, theyÂ’re people that lookÂ…none of them have ever looked alike. I usually try to find, likeÂ…I like somebody thatÂ’s really beautiful for being unique, you know what I mean? ThatÂ’s why, like, sites like yours, when itÂ’s real people, itÂ’s obviously a lot cooler thatÂ’s a porn star that makes a lot of money and hangs out by pools in Hollywood and stuff like that.
Interviewer: YouÂ’re on on a DVD right now. People are going to be watching this interview between a bunch of sex scenes; people are going to be banging and then this interview is going to come up. So there might be a guy on the other side of the screen that just finished jerking off and now youÂ’re interviewÂ’s coming on. Do you have anything to say to these people?
Gerard: UmmmmÂ…..youÂ’re momÂ’s cominÂ’!
Frank: You should be ashamed of yourself.
Gerard: What I think you guys should do is….intercut it….but like, right before–
Interviewer: –right before the money shot there’s just, “So, we like Dungeons and Dragons!”
Gerard: Yes, yes.
Interviewer: Okay, is there anything else anybody has to say? Anything you want to add?
Gerard: I think weÂ’ve dug a giant hole and we all jumped fuckinÂ’ headfirst in it at this pointÂ…no, it was really fun, IÂ’m just playing around. Um, no, I justÂ….umÂ…keep doinÂ’ your thang, man!
Interviewer: Okay, thanks, Everybody wave bye.
Gerard: Buh-bye!
[band waves]
– scene cuts –
Gerard: Not everybodyÂ’s into Dungeon and Dragons.