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i saw the most true saying to how i think today.
"A picture speaks a thousand words. Its not enough for you to tell me i need you to show me"
i thought.. wow thats so true. I'm sick of people telling me what they think and how they feel. grow some balls, show me.
this message rings true to at least 5 people i know right now!

i had THE most horrible dream last night. that i died. and i didnt get to live my life and i never got to see all the people i love... i died in a drunk car accident... i dont think i will get into another car again i was so scared when i woke up and sweating and omg it was horrible!

omg... i'm a copic whore now D:)
what ever went wrong!
and now... i just ... love brawl... i'm sick i tell u!
2 things i always said i would never try and now... i'm slightly addicted DX Nooooooo!!!!
i'm going to get fat... because we keep eatng such good food XD w are having drawing sessions at my appartment at night and some one cooks. last night as me, we had chicken tikka masala with capsicun and rice. 2night is capi's turn, and she doent feel like cooking so she is buying every one chinese!!!! yay... yep... i think i like being fat n_n i'm soft and hugable. who wants to hug a bony stick or sleep next to one, i'd be scared i'd poke my eye out on a rib.
hahah we also watch australias next top model and USA's every night while drawing... OMG i know alice wins in the aust verion... OMG SHE IS ANNOYING! "ahhh the musics too loud.. ahh i dont know how to cuddle... ahhh i always look sad and bored... ahh i'm stressed... ahh i'll get burnt... ahh i'm tired" NONE stop she whines and whinges!!! i wanna smack her one!
i like Annika... she's easyer to listen to ... and in the american one, the twins rock!!!
but we also watched dragon heart 2! or Vilmeinen lohikäärme 2 in finnish i think. its so weaaak and pathetic... but we just had to watch it XD
i wonder what we should watch tonight. we're all working on art to sell on the 18th at Valve\nuku whatever. so if u wanna porn up some of my stu-ff come see's. i have a few originals for sale as well as prints n_n

i spent... all day playing Brawl, God of war and some twistedly sick bloody game that Nick brought along with his new xbox 360... oh blood and gore!!!!
i know... i hate the wii... but i.. will maybe borrow it and play brawl... i'm liking it more and more.. i STILL hate the control of the WII, but... hmm... i'm still a one eyed PS fan though!!!!
Annika asked me to come to the brawl/melee meet. i might ask Nick to come and be my partner n_n he's pretty good, so is hanna. but i think i would have better chance of getting nick to come... apparently i'm too "OP with Ike, and i lub 2 Spam eather up" yeah ok....but i know IKES like.. .mega power!!!! but he's so fucking slowwwww!!!!
i only have... 500 euros left for the next two months...
i dont know if i can go to helsinki if i want to be able to eat...
i hope i can make a few 50's on the 18th, i have been doing some copic art for it, and some prints. i'm not like OMG amazing.... but hey i'm not that bad either!!
if i can make up the money... animeseminar will be my helsinki money to go and reurn.. so i need to make.. 120e at least for the tickets.. and anythng after that will be movie tickets and fooooodd!!!
i think there is somehting wrong with me... i'm so hungry and i'll eat.. and still be hungry... i'm like endless!! how am i not weighing 100kgs? i have no idea... but i understand why i dont weight 60kgs XD which would be so so so cool! i wanna weigh 60!!!
i doubt i'll ever get it, i'm always going to be a little bit fat, but meh... oh well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSK08qm2-VY&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZNGHnk4Gnc
ohh i love these song, its both really sad and really passionate at the same time <3<3<3<3

I had the best fun last night! i havent been that stress free and enjoyed myself in over year. i went to minja's house warming, and had a blast! sure it was fun of not so hot guys... one was ok. but nick and Hanna were there and we had so so so much fun XD cause we played god of war.. which, i now loooove! and turns out Nick likes... BRAWL. so we have agreed we r gonna have a brawl night at my apartment next weekend to see who is better, hanna will cum to cus she plays too! It gonna be fun. and i just love being with Nick and Hanna because nick is a mother tongue english and we can just go blah blah blah for hour as fast as w want and use bigger words and we love it and Hanna is 100% fluent in english so, we always have a blast. cause we ate and drank. Oh and there was another australian there, but let me brag. i'm more fun and better looking she was too shy.
i was like gay raped by ama who put hickies on my neck, but so did that kinda cute guy and ... Pia... i was gang raped!

HAHAHAHA
Ama gave a love bite to Olli. omg i'm going to pee myself
and then Ama came up to me... actually a little upset going "but i have a partner!" poor ama. i told him just dont tell anyone then. Am is not as bad as every one makes him out to be, he's always really nice to me and stuff so. i promised next time i'm in town we'll have a coffee n_n

also, surprise! Olli didnt speak to me the whole time, le gasp. not. i said i think, two words to him... no.. 4. " could you please move" he was hovering over my stuff.
oh well, his loss not mine.
and tiia's 21st today, yay we are having like.. orgy party! coool!

i was kinda angry at myself yesterday. because i really wabnted to say good bye to mert before he left and show him my next pic that i have to give away today. but i left my phone at home.. and so i hunte 4 him in the city and waited at the train station. but i missed him. so i was kinda really sad. Now i have to wait... but i wont have the pic anymore ):.
i hope he comes back soon. i'm such a big baby...

rihanna song with pussycat dolls
randomly found
its.. eh ok
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVwWDsNdZks&feature=rec-fresh

OMG
i just realised something
i am, insane.
really i must be. i am an emotioal roller coster. no one ever knows when i'm going to be ina good mood or if i'm going to try and kill you just for looking at me.
i noticed this yesterday. when a friend of mine asked me why i was brooding, and i lied, i lied about what was wrong, and sulked a little more. I exspected them to be able to just KNOW what was wrong, bcause they were my problem. i was pissed off because they were walking to fast and i could not kep up. i got angry because of that. it was my belief they should have known to slow down.
I tend to think people should know why i'm upset! like they are mind readers.
a friend said to me. "Taryn, how r we meant to know what we did wrong, u wont tell us!"
dam right i wont tell u, because when i'm pissed off around some one, it cause of something they have done, even if it is so so so so small... i forget sooner or latter.
i was also told i was being harsh to some of my friends. I'm a stresed person. i have not had the best of year! but still
hahah. i want two things, still. one every one pushes me for, and the other they say forget. but no. i refuse! i want them both and i shall have them both! oneday! i will get it all. i desirve it!
ah.. also... once i dislike some one... their name is mud. i hate them and i wil continue to hate them so so passionatly. its what i do.

hmmm now that i think
i'm not insane
i'm a GIRL!

actually also. i'm so worried about going back home. i'm not worrie about my family or work or the lonelyness.
i'm worried that when i leave... people will change again
they chaged when i left the first time... alot. and it scared me, becaue i lost some of the closeness i hold dear and i am still trying to get it back, i'm frightened that if i leave for another 9 months, i'll love people. Not as friend i'll always be friends with these guys, but i'll lose that.. special spark, that makes close friends... i think if i lose that... i will die

ohhhh
at Onnel last night there was a guy who looks just like Dean Geyer <3<3<3<3<3
i was like.. OMG drool.
i'm... gonna confess, i <3 dean geyer. i dont think any one out side of Australia would know who he is but.... ahhh... hot. i dont care what any one says! and he singsssss so good and he's an actor and.. ah!!!!
http://graphics.sonybmg.com.au/gallery/medium/LimitedEditionRushPoster67003.jpg
http://graphics.sonybmg.com.au/gallery/medium/DeanGeyerLimitedEditionRushPoster67002.jpg
http://graphics.sonybmg.com.au/gallery/medium/DeanGeyer200767009.jpg
http://graphics.sonybmg.com.au/gallery/medium/DeanGeyer200766669.jpg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YSSDqz9Ai0

dam it!
this song is stalking me!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=940DU9SQPSY&feature=PlayList&p=BDBDB6C1019C7C1F&index=0
and the sick part, now i love this song so much DX< too much!

ok so yeah.
i'm going back to australia...
there is nothing here for me any more and well.. i dont know if my heart can stand it any more, i always feel so sad that i cant have what i need, or that its kept from me. no... actually i half lie half truth. i am oing back to australia sadly, nothing i can do there. but next time i come back, which is next year, nine months from noooow! i will be back for at least two years as an Au pair (nanny... babysitter i guess) so... even though i have to leave, i'm comming back. and if yu people can keep loving me and holding me up against the wind, i'll come back to u i nine months and this time.. i wont be leaving. I'm comming back... because i can't live with out you my prince charming.