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i dyed my hair brown.... its a very.... redish light brown. i wanted a darker colour but.. oh well
but its BROWN!

BARAHAHAHAHAHHAHA :D
I'M obsessive obsessed with the Twilight saga... and now that i am... i see it EVERY WHERE!
i know.. dude taryn.. la-me.. I DONT CARE. Robert Pattinson is so.. sooo fucking hot fucking red hot chilli pepper hot! Better then any Zac Efron, better then any Dean!
SWOOON!
i have never... EVER had a celebraty crush... nope nada...none... and now... i do! and its so crazy silly because now i cant see any one else as sexy or fuckable any more because i'm like smitten... i sound like a crazy fan stalker... WHO CARES! i am now apparently. every one gets a chance to be like this.. why not MEEEE!!!!

GAH the fighting at work.. when will it end...
the butcher... MEGA fuck face is still being a cunt.. and now he is picking on Jenna, who is the only other blonde there besides me and Tarlee.. and he has already picked fights with us... and now DIANNE.. who i have never really liked but tolerated... desided to verbally attack me today for no reason. of cause.. me being me.. i couldnt just stand there and take it like a slap to the face.. man it was on, a full on word fight.. in the end she went away... becaus ei just had too many facts and i was too fast for her, all she was doing was swearing and stuff... come on.. a parrot can be taught to swear.. takes a real brain to come up with insults and facts about the person they hate to really do damage ... barhahahaha

Riitta... still hasnt given me info.. .. i'm getting nervous

LAPTOPS R COOL!
i have one now.. and i think i maybe inlove :3 <3<3

i brought more shoesssss... hahah... sneakers this time.. and they r soo cool.. they r grape theamed... dont ask.. just accet that they r cool!

gahhh food... i am eating way too much... but i'm so hungry all the time lately.. what is wrong with me.. and is so fucking cold 15 degrees!.. and at night like 10.. i think i might die D: yeah i know its like -1000000000000000000000 back in oulu... BUT U HAVE HEATING! we dont! everything about our hoe keeps the heat.. OUT... not traps it in.. so i go to bed dressed in woolies and have like 100 blankets on me.. gah.. cold


i'm getting nervous... Riitta still hasnt given me any info

so yeah ummm.. went to adelaide.. it rained alot. colleen came with me
i spent 450$ in 20mins i brought wicked bondage ankle boots, a new leather jacket, some shorts and some stockings. i had coffee with anthony.. it was weird... i didnt like it.. we didnt talk about things that made me comfortable, and the whole time i just wanted to leave. He questioned me on things about my life that i dont like thinking about so yeah.. i dont think i'll do that again
but yeah.. so far my birthday doesnt even feel like it happened really.. just another boring depressing day i guess...
and now.. i'm about to go out to the best chinese place in the whole town.. and i have been planning this all week... and only 2 out of all my friends would come... the rest is family. and i just got a phone call from one, that their not cumin.. i said i would pay for them since they said they didnt have the money.. but their all like.. ohh no.. i'll just come say hi.. give Charlie her 21st birthday gift from February and go... people think i'm anti social because i'm always by myself and dont go out to partys or hang with people... its not me thats anti social.. its every one else who just doesnt wanna be around me.
When i hung up the phone i stated screaming and swearing and threw the phone aross the room. i'm so angry and then mum was following me all around the house yelling at me too. so far.. this is so fucking stupid birthday. i dont like it.
i wish it never happened.. i hate being 20 i feel ...old.

curse u! sure u to hell Dragon Ball: evolution!
what a kill joy that was... i mean yes the movie was good, but it dindt seem to stick in characters and looks of the originals characters. that is what shitted me of. but what made me nearlly wanna cry was the way they prounounced every thing... in stead of KI.. they said it like this KEY! i was like.. no.. no ... no
and just other little things wanted me to go and cut myself in the corner :D
hahah
not only that i miss read the times to start with, went all the way there 'one ticket please" go in start watching.... THE WRONG MOVIE X'''D
i'm like.. waaaait a second.. this is not very DBZ-ish...
no.. thats because it was Race to witch mountain.. which was ok.. so since i had paid for the movie i watched it and then had to buy a another ticket to watch DB
joy

oh for those of u you do not know, yesterday was horrible... my dear great friend Chrissy died of cancer. it was really a shock to us all.. because we had only seen her walking in the shop the other day and then then next she was gone...i dont know what to feel about it but... it just weird that a lotta death and breaking up is happening right now. it really saddnes me
that and my weight gain of 15kgs... that sadnes me too...

this friday i get my tickets!!! YES YES YES!
happyness
now.. if only i had a visa :s

ah...
i'm becoming incressingly annoyed with myself.
not.. not hating myself i dont hate myself its not like i'm a horrible person... but.. with my lack of ability to be intrested in people any more...that and my lack of ability to comunicate.
i dont know.. i guess i'm just feeling kinda down, i dont really know how i should relate to people at the momnet.
i dont feel like taking to people.. and i find myself spending more and more time alone.. i guess u could call me a loner now days hmmm.
and the scary thing is.. i'm comfortable being alone. shopping alone, eating alone, just being alone.. its not so bad.. but i dont really wanna be one of those people.
i dont know, i just cant get myself intrested in other peoples lives, i'm quiet happy to play by myself. Is that weird?
i seem to be taking great comfort in capi, she has been quiet good actually just listening to what i have to say, normally i feel people would be bored with what i really wanted to say or not be able to handle my issues or me for that matter when i hit a low point, but she has been good keeping me afloat here.. thanks capi, ur an angel <3
i keep having this dream... and i always wake up either very angry or very sad from it... it happens like 4 or more times a week... it actually scares me because i worry that... maybe it trying to tell me something... and i dont like what it tells me... because... its sad. capi says the dream might be my fear that i fear this happening.. maybe she's right.. i'd be crushed if it ever happened... but it happens so often...

i do miss company...
miras.. and drawing with tiia and capi. i'd like to go to the movies more too... i havent been in ages... i think minna will be my new movie buddie when i come home n_n we had such a good time last time we went.

money money money.. my life resolves around it

and now i have the added pleasure of dealing with anthony again. as much as i'm kinda glad to see him again.. its stressful to deal with him because not only did he leave me for a guy.. he cheated on me and then ditched me. but we.. we were so close.. i mean... i was so close to him and knew him for sooooo long, he knows everything about me.. EVERYTHING.... no one knows everything about me... some people know alot about me.. but not everything.. so.. i want to be friends again... but... at the same time i dont.. he was my original fag... and i his first hag.
i dont know, he seems really sorry and it has been 4 years... maybe its time i give my old bestie a go huh?
its been along time since i heard some come call me Tabby, i kinda miss him....

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MERT! FUCK FUCK i broke the heel off my perti shoes! the ones i got last time we did shoes modeling!!!!
FUUUUUUCK!
i dont know how to fix them i think maybe i take them to shoe store here and see what they can do but...
FUUUUCK
this is what i get for trying to go out and have a good time!

just when i think things can not get worse D:
shane and bitch step sister have a huge fight over the phone. he was yelling at her for being a total cunt and for saying things about me and dylan... but... he made mention that it was my friends from work who told us... who told me, who r also taylas friends... who tayla will now probally go and scream at.. who will be pissed off at me..... sweet jesus.... what ever did i do wrong in life...
Riitta emails me though.. so like super huge mental joys... even if it wasnt much the fact she remembers i'm alive is good enough for me :D !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so yeah i work the night shift now, which isnt so bad i must say, i get paid time and a half after 6:30 (which means instead of getting $16.30 an hour i get $24.45 and hour) so i make up my money that i miss from working long hours.
but that still not the point, they should not have changed my hours and fucked me around all because of that dope smoking freak!
i'm alot clamer now days at the momnet... i have the ability to fix myself after a while i guess, there are only a select few things that can really crush me down to nothing that take me months years to get over, but this was not one of them it was just a tempoary momnet of weakness, i'm better now. but now i work with all the 16 year olds... OMG... u guys thought we bitched and fight... they are insane!
jack and dianne.. the screaming the swearing.. the abuse... i could not get over it. and we all know i HAAATE my sister... their all best BEST firends with her... but they think nothing of stabbing her in the back and telling me everything about her...
i'm like... dam.. i'm glad my friends are not like this...r u???? HMMMMMM
nah of cause ur not.
dam i miss u guys...
dam i am NOT looking forwards to my phone bill D''''X<
please keep in touch, u guys r my little bit of sanity in this fucking fucked up place (:

i'm so upset.
i get bullied by the fuck face butcher at work all the time and now my boss has changed all my working times and i'm banned from this and that and now i cant go out at night because i have to work all night shifts instead of day... it utter pain. i cant stand it that i cant stand up formyself, every time i do i get punished more its not fair D''':
i broke down and started crying at work in the bathroom i cant take it any more i'm so stressed out
i miss mert so much it phisically hurts! i cant stand it i need mira back to make it all ok again D':
i'm so stressed about the visa and everything else.
i'm thinking of leaving my job the bullying is so bad he's so cruel and childish about everything and trys to make my life hell.
but where would i go, no one will hire some one for 3 months! and we're in a resesion every one is losing their jobs and no one has any money.. australia is like going into a depression.
i dont know what to do all i want to do is curl up in a ball and cry until its all over.
i feel sick i'm so upset.
i wanna come home...
but i cant..
i'm trapped