Or the need to just be numb, because feeling is tearing you up inside. And more than anything you just want to stop feeling the way you do.
You continue on, pretending to be okay. Smiling when someone talks to you, or laughing at a joke you’re told. But the smile is too wide. The laughter is too loud, fake sounding. And you can’t tell if it’s just that way to you or if everyone else notices it too.
When someone else asks you if everything’s fine you put on a mask and act like everything’s more than fine. ‘Cause you don’t want them to know how you really feel lost. You don’t want them to know they’ve hurt you. The last thing you want is for them to only pay you any attention because they think they’re obligated.
So you pretend not to care. Or you tell yourself to stop caring, but you might as well be telling yourself to stop breathing.
No matter how hard you try, moments replay in your head. You wish to go back to that moment when you were happy, even if it was just a fantasy.
Just a fairytale.
